I’ve only been wearing makeup for a few years, and in this brief time, I can’t quite say that I’ve mastered the art of formal, full-face studio-grade cosmetics. I can, however, say that I know how to take my face from 8 AM Discussion to Relatively Red Carpet Ready in 15 minutes or less. Here’s how I crafted my look for the Ed Wood Film Festival in Los Angeles last night:

1. Smack copious amounts of pressed powder onto your face (or liquid foundation, if you have time).
2. Grab a blush brush and apply a rosy color to the apples of your cheeks. Take care not to go clown with it.
3. Use bronzer powder to accentuate your cheekbones! Start by spreading it frantically from underneath your eye toward your temples in sweeping, horizontal motions.
4. Panic because you only have 5 minutes left.
5. Apply eyeshadow primer to your lids with your fingers. Wipe your fingers on your forearm to get rid of the shiny primer. Blend a pretty eyeshadow into the primer with a small brush. Quickly, now.
6. A fine-tipped liquid eyeliner will do you good. So will a bold, juicy mascara: roll down from atop the lashes and then roll up from underneath for a bigger, less clunky application. Line the bottom of your eyes if you have time.
7. Fleeq out your eyebrows! Use an eyebrow pencil to trace the natural shape. When in doubt, make them thick on the inside, arched in the middle and point the tail at the end. Draw with small, quick strokes and don’t press down too hard. Be sure to highlight underneath and on top with a lighter pencil!
8. It’s like, time to go now! Line your lips with pencil, do the muah-muah thing and slather your lips with your favorite lipsticks. All of them. Don’t be choosy. Do the muah-muah thing thrice more and then blot on a nearby napkin or business card.

You’re done, and don’t you look stunning! Spray all-nighter spray/makeup holder onto your face if you’ve got some to spare. If not, take some bomb selfies and get out that door! Thank me later!

Much love,